What is even this teenage love?

...I can't understand. I just don't--I don't even--what is this--ahhh? I feel like a jerk for this, but...I keep seeing all these things on Facebook that are all romantic except in the "teenager" way. And I cannot deal with them...is that bad?
I mean, look at these ;A;

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Are they not strange or weird to you?...They kind of scare me...

(To be very honest...I see it like this:
1. Uncomfortable...
2. Don't be late to class ;A;
3. The guy in the picture made me frightened...
4. Well, what if they are busy? You have to consider them too...
5. WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING THERE.)

It's a little sad that girls keep criticizing guys for expecting so much from them, when girls do the same thing: They expect so many weird things from guys.
Yes, I suppose I'm being a tad hypocritical on this one (with all my idealistic dreaming of gentlemen) but...some of the things that girls want are feeling a bit absurd to me. They're getting far unnecessary, the way I see it...

Here's some parts of someone's Facebook status that started off with "make a girl smile . . ."

*2 . Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.
*4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
*5 . Always tell her you love her every second of the day.
*12 . Play with her hair.
*13 . Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.
*16 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night . . . just because you missed her.
*18. Carve your names into a tree.
*19 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.
*20 . Give her piggyback rides.
*26 . Kiss her in the rain.

And here's another one...I will paste the complete version this time:

"don't care if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend right now. Just read this, it will make a difference.
If only everyone could see this and understand it.
When she stares at your mouth
- Kiss her
When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you
- Grab her and don't let go
When she starts cursing at you tryin to act all tuff
- Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet
- Ask her what's wrong
When she ignores you
- Give her your attention
When she pulls away
- Pull her back
When you see her at her worst
- Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying
- Just hold her and don't say a word
When you see her walking
- Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared
- Dont laugh, protect her
When she steals your favorite hoodie
- Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you
- Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn't answer for a long time
- Reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt
- Back yourself up
When she says that she loves you
- She really does more than you could understand!!
When she grabs at your hands
- Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bumps into you
- Bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret
- Keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes
- Don't look away until she does
When she says it's over
- She still wants you to be hers
- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:01am on her birthday to tell her you love her and happy birthday!
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Always tell her exactly how you feel
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.
- Give her the world
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up to you crying,the first thing you say is;
"Whose ass am I kicking?"
If you had someone on your mind this whole time , you are
in love."

I mean...some of these...Do girls always need guys to hold them all the time? And spend their time texting/calling/throwing stones at their windows or something instead of sleeping just for them...? Is it so vital that he gives his hoodie to her? And...and I still don't understand what's so fancy about kissing in the rain?

So many things he absolutely has to do, so many things he absolutely has to say...

There shouldn't be a map or game plan like this for how you go about a relationship with the one you love.

Honestly...

So I'm just wondering if my opinions deserve to be objected to. Maybe I'm not seeing something that I should have an open mind towards. I don't want to be rude or a jerk...so do let me know if you can help me out, because I am wondering how in the world I can see this differently ;___;